Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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