Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
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I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
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Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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