6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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