Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
