I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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