The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
