Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
