I'm lost and stupid without you.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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