mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
