Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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