i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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