just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I understand Curling. That high.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
