Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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