Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
