ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
