Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
