There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
