I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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