I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
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Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize