so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
