I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
