Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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