i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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