found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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