Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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