I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
