I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
