if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
