You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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