I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
