my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
