found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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