I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she pinky promised me she was 18
it's like heaven, but drunker
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
