I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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