He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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