I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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