what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
