My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
