i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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