The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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