last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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