I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
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