I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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