Fine. I'll sleep in my office
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
