There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
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He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
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May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize