Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
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He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
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It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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