Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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