you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
