My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
