Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
