the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
