she looked like the bat from fern gully.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
