It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
