I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
