Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just found puke in my bra..
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
