i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
