Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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