I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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