He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
