i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
