No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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