apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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