It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
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i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
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Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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