How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
where are my eyebrows?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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