What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
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Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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